Denial

I'm Awesome.

I can do anything.  I have had four children.  I have played roller derby.  I have written essays and term papers with favorable results.  I can manage a team.  I can knit and sew.  I can play the flute. 

I keep reminding myself of all these things as I struggle to accomplish one of the most basic human tasks.

Walking.

I can't walk. 

Well, ok...I can walk, but it's damn hard.  It hurts, too.

Like a cajillion (yes, that's my made up word...back off) other people in the world, I had an ACL replacement on Wednesday.  The Anterior Cruciate Ligament is a tricky little bugger that criss-crosses on the inside of your knee, giving it stability and strength.  It's one of the most common knee injuries, because for some really dumb reason it just decides one day, no matter how long you've been playing sports or training or not doing any of those things, it's going to rip in two.  Then, if you're lucky, your knee will be weak, but you'll retain some kind of functionality.  If you're unlucky, like I am, you'll feel like you dislocate your knee every few steps, and you'll need surgery.

So, the feeling that your knee is dislocating when you walk and the ensuing pain and agony and limping apparently aren't enough for some to deem this as a necessary surgery.  Luckily, the people at my insurance company do, but I've had many people ask me why I chose to have this surgery, or why don't I put it off until later, or why this or why that.  Well, why don't you tear your ACL and then ask me that question?  Oh, you did?  Well, good for you...and go fuck yourself, too...this is MY life.  I obviously felt like this was a necessary surgery, and I'm willing to accept the pain and dedication that my rehabilitation will take.  Mind you, none of that means I'm going to sit and silently accept the pain like a champ and pretend like nothing happened.

THIS SHIT HURTS!!!

I'M A BIG BABY AND I NEED MY MOMMY!

I will also knee in the balls the next asshole that says I brought this on myself!  (titty twisters, slap upside the head: pick your pain) 

I'm only a few days post-op and I'm already back at work, driving, trying to walk on it a little.  I'm trying to show everyone that i'm tough and strong and I can do anything, but sometimes I just want to cry and whine. Is it too much to expect a little bit of sympathy?  From most people, no...but there are quite a few tough customers out there. 

I'm just wondering, what would the reaction have been if I'd had a boob job?